Connection Is The Currency - Building Belonging, Community, and Courage - Stephen Seidel : 180

What if belonging shows up only after you tell the truth about who you really are?

That question drives Stephen Seidel’s journey, from a childhood shaped by divorce and people-pleasing to a life built on intentional connection, creative risk, and helping men find spaces where they can be fully seen.

We explore how being the “glue” between his parents built empathy but weakened his confidence, and how college became a turning point: leading groups, seeking diverse friendships, and replacing judgment with curiosity. Stephen shares his pivot from industrial engineering to acting and improv, the trap of waiting for permission, and the breakthrough moment when he created and sold his own YouTube series of social experiments, discovering how honest questions build bridges where opinions often divide.

Stephen is a TEDx keynote speaker, media expert, and brand strategist who helps entrepreneurs, startups, and HR leaders drive cultural alignment and authentic leadership. A best-selling author, podcast creator, and co-founder of the men’s collective Gents Journey, Stephen blends humour, heart, and actionable tools to inspire resilient teams and lasting change. 

In 2020, while caring for his mother during the pandemic and raising two young daughters, Steve lost clients and felt deeply isolated. So he built what he needed: Gent’s Journey, a men’s community centred on real conversation and accountability. Guided by pillars like faith, family, friendships, finances, fitness, focus, and freedom, the group uses tools like the Journey Deck’s 52 prompts to spark powerful reflection. 

We also dive into storytelling for leaders and founders. Stephen’s mission-message-media-movement framework helps people root their work in authentic stories. At the same time, his G.R.E.A.T. test: Gratitude, Reflection, Empathy, Accountability, Transformational, offers a simple check-in for personal growth.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your story matters and if it resonates, share it with someone who might need it, subscribe to future episodes, and leave a review.

To connect with Stephen: 

• Agency: TheSeidelAgency.com
• Coaching: StephenSeidel.com/Media
• Men’s Group: GentsJourney.co/join
• TEDx Talk: https://rebrand.ly/seidelspeaking
• @StephenSeidel 
• @TheSeidelAgency 
• @GentsJourneyco 

Transcript

DanielaSm 0:00

Hi, I'm Daniela. What if your toughest moments are the very things that fuel of growth? What happens when the role you learn to play for others, the peacemaker, the achiever, the reliable one, slowly disconnects you from your own voice?

Stephen Seidel 0:16

It started me down this path of becoming a people leader, but also understanding the value of connection. And through those shared experiences, you ultimately build a story together. And that's truly all that we really need to do. We need forgive.

DanielaSm 0:29

My guest is Stephen Seidel, TEDx keynote speaker, media expert, brand strategist, best-selling author, and co-founder of the men's collective Gents Journey. Let's enjoy his story. Welcome Stephen to the show.

Stephen Seidel 0:44

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

DanielaSm 0:46

Yes, I'm I'm glad you're here because I was watching your TEDx and I know you're big on connections, so that's perfect that you're sharing a story.

Stephen Seidel 0:54

Yes.

DanielaSm 0:54

Yes, and why do you want to share your story?

Stephen Seidel 0:56

You know, I think that's ultimately what we're here to do is we're here to share stories and to connect with others. And so that's why we gravitate tremendously when we watch a movie. We have the hero's journey and they go through trials and tribulations and troubles. Yes. And it's driven by conflict. But at the end of the day, you're able to use that as a teaching moment or an opportunity to learn and use that obstacle as an opportunity to, you know, build upon who you are and be better. And so I've been through many of them and hopefully I can inspire someone.

DanielaSm 1:22

Yeah, great. And so when does your story start?

Childhood, Divorce And People Pleasing

Stephen Seidel 1:25

I think it's different for everyone. Everybody has a different story. We we have a multitude of stories. We have the story we're telling ourselves, with the story that we share publicly, the story we share on social media, which we know about that one. Um, but for me, my story and a lot of people's stories typically starts, you know, when you're younger. And so for me, I grew up product of divorce when my parents divorced when I was one. I was stuck in between both my mom and my dad. And uh, you know, I started to gravitate as being the connective tissue. And that gradually created me as a people pleaser. I wanted to please my mom. I wanted to please my dad. I think somewhere deep down, I thought maybe they would get back together. It started me down this path of becoming a people pleaser, but also understanding the value of connection. If I could connect with my dad and he could share stories, and I could connect with my mom and she would still share stories, then ultimately I could bring people together to find common ground by be being empathetic. And so that's when my start story started. I ultimately wanted to become a dad because my dad wasn't around a lot. I'm now a you know a happy father. I run my own business with two daughters. I'm an entrepreneur, my mom was an entrepreneur. But the story started with, you know, back in divorce, people pleasing, and realizing that connection truly is the most important currency, I believe, in the world, especially now with the rise of AI. We've seen a lot. I'm almost 50 years old. So I've seen the internet, I've seen television, I've seen FaceTime, and now here we are with automation and AI. But at the end of the day, we still need people, we still need love, we still need connection in order to feel fulfilled.

Chasing Belonging And Finding Agency

DanielaSm 2:55

Yes, that's true. That's true. You were struggling between knowing the connections was very important, but also being a people's pleaser. So what happened?

Stephen Seidel 3:03

Yeah, and uh it takes time. I think as we grow, I in high school, I was in one of the guys who's friends with a multitude of groups, you know, it's connected, but I didn't have that deep-rooted sense where I felt like, hey, this is where I belong. Um, and I didn't grow until I was uh senior in high school. So there was a lot of things coming into play, you know, whether it was external sources of validation, you know, growing up in a household where, you know, it wasn't a nuclear family or something where maybe I felt safe. And then in addition to that, a low level of self-esteem. And so that part of that was just, you know, not growing and being a little behind and grow spurts. But eventually when I got to college, I realized, okay, this is my time to shine. Um, I remember my sister saying, You're gonna be like everybody else. You were so good at school, you're gonna get to college and you're gonna fail out or something crazy is gonna happen. But for me, that was a catalyst. It's like, no, I'll show you. And so once I got to, I went to Penn State and I became the social chair and just really tried to find connections and really uh share stories with, you know, I was in a fraternity and a lot of just different organizations. And I think action is really the most important part. In order to become motivated, we needed to take action. And by taking action, I found myself amongst many other individuals. And that's where I started to move forward and realize: look, it's not about me pleasing others, it's about understanding what my true value is. What are the gifts that God has given me, and how can I utilize these gifts for the greater good? And for me, it was relationships, communication, finding ways to bring people together, to make sure that leaders lead with intention and they have conviction and they have grit, gratitude, resilience, integrity, and trust so that others can see themselves in you and realize yes, I'm connecting, but they're also on my team and they want what's best for me.

From Engineering To Acting

DanielaSm 4:44

I see. You mentioned the word belonging. So you were able to connect with many, many groups and you know, be like a glue in different places, but you really didn't belong to one specific uh group. So can can you talk more about that?

Stephen Seidel 4:56

Sure. So um one of the most effective ways to find a sense of belonging is through shared experiences. And through those shared experiences, you ultimately build a story together. And so there's a really amazing book called Crucial Conversations. It talks about when you're going into a high intense conversation where there's bound to be some conflict. But when you have these crucial conversations, you ultimately have an intention. What do I want to have? Well, I want to be invited to the party, or I want to be on the uh on the on the board, or I want this company to hire me. Then when you have these difficult conversations, you know what the outcome is. But oftentimes we feel as if we know how that's going to occur, but we don't really need to know that. We just need to set a solid intention. You don't need to figure it all out. It's like GPS. You have goals, you have performance, you have success, the skills that get you there. But from a sense of belonging is when you have these shared experiences and you come from a place from happiness, not for happiness. And that's something that I learned later on, and then I talked to a lot of individuals around is if it's funny, it's done. So back then, I didn't feel a sense of belonging because I wanted to have friends. I wanted to be in a group where I felt like I was seen or heard, but I was coming from a place of lack, from fear, false evidence appearing real. And I was going for happiness. I felt this group of friends would make me happy. But really, I needed to take a step back and figure out how can I love myself? What are the things that really light me up? And then these friendships or the sense of belonging will come from these individuals that have those shared experiences.

DanielaSm 6:27

Yes. For you, in in that sense that you were getting along with many people, however, you still didn't believe that you belong. So how how is that?

Stephen Seidel 6:36

So that was a story that I was telling myself. And there's a story that we tell ourselves of these limiting beliefs that I'm not good enough, that I don't belong here, or you know, they're better than I am. And that's a lot of what I talk about, you know, from a leadership perspective and leaning. And that's the most important thing. You know, I talked to my daughter about making sure that you have tough positive self-talk. When you look for the things that you want to have in this world, they begin to show up. When you look for the things, if you play in a victim mindset, which I was doing back then, I was a victim. Look, I didn't have friends. You know, they don't like me. I'm too short. This is what I was talking about when I was talking about self-esteem and not having confidence. Placing blame on things outside of who I was instead of taking accountability for who I was and saying, look, there's no reason why I don't belong here. You may be a bunch of the football players, but that doesn't mean I can't be friends with you. They have different shared experiences that they have. They have a football game that they played together. I don't have that. That doesn't mean that I still can't connect with them or relate with them. But in that instance, I was choosing to use that as an excuse that, you know, I'm not like they are. But really, we're all humans. We want to be loved. We want to be feel feel seen and heard. And those moments, that's where I felt in certain areas. But yet there still were individuals that I did get along with. I might not have gotten along with the quarterback, the running back, the wide receiver, and the tight end, but I knew the running back. His name was Luke Moroni, and we were both in student government associations. So I had a great friendship with them. So I would hang out with him when I hung out with him, but I then I wouldn't go and hang out with all of the football players. But I had relationships that were furthering who I was and my sense of connection.

Social Experiments And YouTube Era

DanielaSm 8:10

It it is an advantage that you were able to connect with many different people, not just one group. Sometimes that makes you a well-rounded person.

Stephen Seidel 8:17

Yes, that and for when you go out, take a look at who your friends are. Hopefully they're on they have differentiating viewpoints, especially now in today's political climate, you know, Republicans, independent, liberals, whatever it might be, people are entitled to their beliefs. I don't think that that makes them a bad person. And so that's one thing that I look for. I look for diversity. I look for individuals who are different from me. When I was at Penn State, I chose to work at the Paul Robeson Cultural Center. I was the only Caucasian individual who worked there. Everybody else was, you know, Chinese or Japanese, black, African American, Indian, but I was the only Caucasian individual who was able to work there. And to me, I loved it. I got to immerse myself in different cultures. I got to learn. What I was doing was replacing that judgment with curiosity. How could I have that curious mindset so that I'm learning more? I'm learning their stories like we talked about earlier. And through them sharing their stories and I'm seeing who they truly are and where they come from, then we connect on a deeper level. For example, I worked at the Cultural Center and there are a lot of rap songs. I now I don't know if you listen to rap music, but back then it was like the rise of Puff Daddy, source B-IG, Tupac, you name it. They say the N-word a lot, which is not a very appropriate word. And I don't subscribe to that one bit. In the song, sometimes people sing the songs and they say these words. And I had a moment where I said, Hey, is it all right for me to ask you a question? Because I built a sense of trust through that resilience and connection. Normally I wouldn't just go up to somebody and say, Hey, can I say this? They would say, immediately not. They would say, No way. Since we had built trust, we worked together, we had shared experiences. I said, What's your take on it if I'm singing a rap song and the n-word comes up and I sing it in that song? Is that okay in your opinion? And they said, No. If it was somebody else who hasn't gone through that and doesn't know the cultural ramifications and all the strife that we've gone through, I don't think that we'd be appropriate. Absolutely not. And they were like, since I know you and I know that's not how you feel and that's not how you think, sure, go for it. And so these were just some of these individual moments where when you can connect on a deeper level, you could connect heart to heart, eye to eye, versus nowadays when people are connecting on social media, text message by text message, or Instagram messages where you don't really see the results of your actions. It was a little bit different back then because I was able to build one-to-one, heart to heart, separate myself from my head and get into my heart. And that was a really genuine experience that helped me learn.

DanielaSm 10:40

Oh, wonderful. And what did you decide to study after knowing so much that connections was so valuable to you?

Media Hosting And The Cost Of Disconnection

Caregiving, Grief And Building Gents Journey

Stephen Seidel 10:46

So when I went to college, my parents, I was good at science and mathematics, and they said, Look, I really think that you should pursue engineering. It's a great field. I loved entertainment and acting, but I had never done it before because I've talked about growing up, I had limited self-esteem. A lot of this baggage that I held behind me and it didn't allow me to be the fullest version of myself. So I went as an engineer and I decided to do industrial engineering because it was a little bit more business and practicality versus chemical engineering where you're working on, you know, with chemicals or mechanical with buildings and trusses. So I went for industrial engineering, which allowed a lot more personal interaction. And then I decided, hey, look, I really love I loved movies, I love stories, I love the hero's journey. I went on an audition and I failed miserably. I forgot my whole entire monologue. And so I ran out of the room. Then eventually, after I got out of college, I got a job as an engineer. And then I found again, you know, constantly checking. See, is this fulfilling me? It wasn't fulfilling me because I was working for Motorola. We were making cell phone chips and I was in a fabrication facility where we have a full suit because none of the silicon wafers can be contaminated. If they are, the phone won't work, the circuits won't work. And at which point I ended up getting laid off and I said, look, this is a message. You know, when we have these hard times, I was able to realize this was a message. And I pursued entertainment and I became an actor for 12, 15 years and really dove deeper into expressing myself. And, you know, then I was able to have the left brain and the right brain come together. And that's when after pursuing acting, giving my power away again, once again, looking for validation, kind of a recurring theme from people pleasing. I realized, look, you can still express yourself, you can still find stages, you can still share your story. But when you're in the field of acting, you're ultimately waiting for that director or the casting director to say, yes, you're the right person. So I switched it and started creating my own content. In 2011, YouTube was a couple of years in existence. I sold a show for YouTube and I said, look, I can create my own content and I can have the power to share my own stories and my own voice. And then that ultimately led to creating media and marketing and then working with change makers who have a story to tell as well.

DanielaSm 12:52

And so what did you create it on on YouTube?

Stephen Seidel 12:55

So back in 2011, I created a show. Well, previous to that, I feel like if you're going to be successful in what you're doing, you have to lose all sense of time. You have to lose yourself in the moment. And so that's where when I work with clients, we ultimately do a Venn diagram. We figure out what your skills are on the top circle, in the bottom circle. It's what are your passions? And on the other circle, where they connect in the middle, that's where you want to try and find a position. That's your unique access or your positioning or your purpose. I created a YouTube show. It was called Renegade Reporting. I love telling stories. I love interviewing people and having discussions and learning more. And so I used to take my video camera around in New York City when I was living in New York City and interview people. And then ultimately that led to me partnering with another gentleman who was doing the same thing. And we we sold a show to Omnivision Entertainment. It was 24 episodes where it was different social experiments because we wanted to see how people would react. Certain situations, how would society allow you to react differently? Does your upbringing almost like what would you do with John Kinonis before it went out? But I created that show and then ultimately I utilized that background to work with other influencers.

DanielaSm 14:02

Can you tell me more? What was the experiment?

Stephen Seidel 14:04

Oh, there was there was a lot of different experiments. It was kind of a comedy show. We went to the park and we decided to see if people would pick up after their own dogs and if they were picking up the, you know, when the dogs were walking up and through the we would have, you know, we called ourselves the Pooh Pooh Policeman. And so we wanted to do it in a fun way where it was fun and self-deprecating but not too intimidating. And so we would ask them and we would videotape them and you know ask them why they would why they did or did not pick up at, you know, and if that was something they felt should be done. We did the situation escalate where you're walking up an escalator and you're like waving to people and seeing if they interact, say hello.

DanielaSm 14:40

And you're filming this at the to see the reaction again.

The Journey Deck And Seven Pillars

Stephen Seidel 14:42

Yes, we filmed it and then we put it on YouTube. We we also did where we it was almost like a pranks situational experiment show where we did naps in public where we would like have people fall asleep in public and see if people would wake them up and see if they felt like they were just different experiments and how that reacted. But ultimately, it allowed me to create this show. We were we did the first ever comedy live stream on YouTube back in 2011 with Omnivision Entertainment, and that got me down the path of creating content and making an impact. And then that's how I started my uh you know socially good agency, this Idell agency.

DanielaSm 15:15

You're an actor and a comedian as well?

Stephen Seidel 15:17

Yeah, I mean I've trained in improv. I've done you know five different years in improv, but I was an actor for 12, 15 plus years. I still do it from time to time. My daughter's now an actor, so they'll have auditions where they need a dad to step in, and I do that, and it's fun for me, it's a way of self-expression. And so that's why I love to come on podcasts too. We get to meet cool and interesting people like yourself and share our stories, and it's just like I was a host for a period of time. I hosted a show for MSN. It was called DV Guide, and it was all about streaming content. And this was again back in 2011, before people even knew about streaming TV shows. I did, I think it was a hundred episodes where we would talk about different things that you can stream, different devices like Roku. This was all before you know people started to cut the cord. And so I try and stay on trend and learn more about where things are going from a media perspective. And now we see where it's going. AI, automation, a lot of different things that are allowing people to progress their careers. But part of who we are, part of our empathy and part of our connection is being lost in that process. So that's why, you know, I love to talk to you. Um, you know, we did a TEDx talk about the hidden power of grief and how connection truly is the most important thing if you want to find fulfillment in what you do and you know the people around you.

DanielaSm 16:33

How do you decide it to be a TEDx?

Vulnerability, Tears And Shared Moments

Stephen Seidel 16:35

I've always wanted to speak on a TEDx stage. Simon Sinek, if you've ever heard Start With Why, it's probably one of the most famous TEDx talks. He talks a lot about when you build a company, an organization, you want to start with why are you building that? And so when I started my agency, I build a lot of that through some of these pioneers like him and Tony Robbins. I've worked with him as well. We have a four-framework process where you start with your mission. That's your why, your highest commitments. Why do you do anything that you do? Because if you're not doing it for a reason, then you're probably not going to continue it. But you start with your mission, then you get into your message. What is that message that you're sharing? Because we want people to vote in you, like vote with their clicks, vote with their dollars, vote with their time and videos, and then you get into your media and then ultimately build a movement. But for me, my message, uh, I became the caretaker in 2020. We relocated my business, the Sidale Agency to Kentucky. Pandemic happened, and me as a connector, I saw, look, we were all connected. People were dying. People are unable to connect with others. We're all isolated in our own silos. Me personally, I had a one-month-old baby. We relocated. I was running my business from my house. My mom got stage four cancer, and I had to take her in and be her caretaker. And so the extra bedroom that I had running my business since we just moved was now given to her, and I had to take Zoom calls from the laundry room. And I lost multitude of clients and I had nobody to talk to. And so in that instance, I created a men's group because I knew I needed a safe community. I was dealing with so much pressure to provide for my mom, to provide for my five-year-old and my one-month-old, to provide for my family, to provide for myself, and I had nowhere to turn. And so I said, I need to find some friends. And we built Gent's journey. It's been five years, I think, to the day where this became a safe community. And I knew I needed to share this message because too many men have nowhere to turn. They can't talk to their wife because their wife is busy or they're, you know, they have too much stuff on their shoulders. They're best friends, they just want to have a beer with them. They don't want to weigh them down with their stories or the things that are challenging in their life. So it became my mission to share this safe space that I built and how I built that. So that other caretakers who are men or just caretakers in general, everybody loses something. They lose a job, they lose a loved one, they lose something that meant a lot to them. We feel like that part of us is gone forever, but really that love exists forever. We think that it's gone, but it's always going to be there. And so I created the TEDx talk so that we could reconnect, rebuild relationships and a sense of meaning, and then reclaim your purpose or reclaim the story that you were been telling or that you need to tell. So that's where the TEDx came because I knew I needed to use my mom's passing. She always would tell me you should help other people, you should be a therapist, you should connect. You're so good at speaking with them. And so to honor her, I wanted to share her story. And ultimately, at the end of the day, on the TEDx talk, it's all about having a safe space like you're doing and giving people a chance to share their story.

DanielaSm 19:31

Yeah.

Stephen Seidel 19:31

Because to the world, you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world, and your story matters. And so that's why I do what I do. Yeah.

DanielaSm 19:39

Well, wonderful. I'm sorry about your mom. Thank you. So people that you I keep her right here.

Stephen Seidel 19:44

She's right here in loving memory.

DanielaSm 19:46

Wonderful. I'm glad she had you to take care of her.

Stephen Seidel 19:49

Thank you.

DanielaSm 19:50

And it was difficult for sure to have babies, your five-year-old, yeah, your wife, no, no working, because that's what happened to most people. And uh, and then your mom, that's that's hard. And and also you were talking about men that they don't have anybody to talk about, which they wouldn't go to counseling anyway.

Stories That Change Men’s Lives

Stephen Seidel 20:06

Yeah, it's changed a little bit, but you know, you look at boomers versus us, it's it's uh the the boomer generation, they never would, but at least we're trying to build a new modern male where we're open to doing that.

DanielaSm 20:16

Yes. So, how do you build that? How was that idea? Like, how do you get people?

Stephen Seidel 20:21

Yeah, so that's a great question. So we have 6,000 people that we have a substack. And so we first created this men's group and we decided, hey, how can we impact more men? How can we help them change who they are? So we created a journey deck, which after five years of meeting, there were questions that just kept coming up to the surface. And we felt we tried to build a few other meetings and run them, but it didn't, it wasn't necessarily successful because people got different schedules and things. And so we said, look, we created this thing. It's called the journey deck. It's a deck of cards that have 52 of the most important questions that kept coming up. And we felt, look, we don't need to have the answers. But if we're asking the right questions, it'll allow these men to share their story. And by sharing a story, other men can hear that or find common ground. When they find that common ground, like I talked about before, these shared experiences, then they will have meaning. They will have a sense of belonging, and then they will begin to identify some of these areas that they might need to improve upon. So we created the journey deck. We also have a sub stack where we email our community. We have 6,000 men. We also have the seven pillars of manhood. Uh, it's it's faith, it's family, it's friendships, it's finances, it's fitness, focus, and it's freedom. And those are all different areas where we want you to have a mindfulness around because that with which we focus on can grow. And what we go through, we grow through. So here is this card deck. I would love if you would answer one of the questions. Would you be open to answering one of the questions?

DanielaSm 21:43

Sure.

Stephen Seidel 21:44

It's like a magic trick, but the magic is in your answer.

DanielaSm 21:46

All right, all right. There, that one.

unknown 21:49

Okay.

DanielaSm 21:49

Okay.

Stephen Seidel 21:50

This is a powerful question. And so we bring these. I bring these to local men's initiatives and donate my time. Um, and we do this in Gent's journey as well in our monthly meetings. When was the last time you You cried.

DanielaSm 22:00

That's an easy one for women, don't you think?

Stephen Seidel 22:02

Yeah. But it's not just about being an easy one though. I think I think it's about sharing that and and when you share it, don't you feel better when you share it? Go ahead and tell us.

Brand Storytelling That Fuels Growth

DanielaSm 22:10

Oh well, you know what? I am Latin and I'm a woman, so I don't have a problem sharing at all. That to me is super important that I cry. What about you?

Stephen Seidel 22:21

Well, my wife and I love to watch America's Got Talent with our children because to us, that's a show. When we were growing up, we had sitcoms, we would sit down, we'd watch a program, and usually it was PG and that was your time to really bond. Everybody's doing so many different things, and we live in this world of busyness. And so for us, we like to take time and watch America's Got Talent. I have a uh 11-year-old who's uh aspiring actress, and my five-year-old, she's very uh artistic as well. So every time they have the golden buzzer, they hit the golden buzzer, somebody wins. My wife and I are both crying because to us it goes back to connection. We can connect to that person and how much desire and how long they've been pursuing this dream. And every time our daughters will look at us and be like, Oh, you're crying again. But to us, it's just amazing to see artists as well, because we're artists, I'm an artist, but everybody's an artist in their own right. But to see something that they've created to get on a stage in front of millions of people and the courage it takes, but also them crush it and you know, really get out there and do it and celebrate their success. Too often there's a lot of people who live in a uh a finite mindset where they want, oh, if they do better, then that means I can't. No, we can celebrate. Creativity is endless, love is endless, connection is endless. And so that's the show that we watch, and it makes us cry.

DanielaSm 23:40

Also, when people are very empathetic and have a lot of compassion, they tend to be more sensitive than people that don't have that as a talent or as a superhero power.

Boundaries, Coaching And Being GREAT

Stephen Seidel 23:49

Yeah. The more that we can do as individuals to lead by example, to show up, to honor our story and to rewrite the story, but you have to be willing to put in the work. My my roommate in Penn State, I talked about going to Penn State, and that's when a lot of things changed. My roommate's father was an FBI agent, and he was responsible for bringing down the biggest cocaine dealer ever to come through Philadelphia. And there were two books written about them. And it was a story that I was very fascinated about because I loved citizen journalism and true crime, and it was my friend's father. And so in 2023, when my mom unfortunately was coming to the end of days, I created a podcast. It was called Wolves Among Us. And it took me 20 years to make this podcast. I had the rights to both books. They came and went. This is where I talk about if you're passionate about something and you believe in it. Um, it took me 20 years. We made that podcast, and it's now um in the process of being developed into a TV show. And I narrated it, I produced it. But I think things take time. But if you truly believe in something, it's up to you to put in that time and put in the work. And it's not going to happen overnight.

DanielaSm 24:50

I understand. I I still not clear on how you started to get men into these programs. So how you were working from home during the pandemic, and so how were you like you have a few friends, and the few friends told the few friends, so what happened?

Three Lessons To Live By

Stephen Seidel 25:04

Sure. So for Gen's Journey, I started this organization with five of my closest friends that identified. I said, we need to have growth friends, or a growth friend is somebody that encourages you to grow. And so I I made a specific list literally on Excel of my friends who were fathers because I was a father and I wanted to have that shared experiences that were entrepreneurs because entrepreneurs are willing to take risks. They also have flexible schedules. You know, the third piece is are they willing to reach out and help this grow? And so are where are they at? Are they a pillar of their community? Are they somebody that I can you know get behind? And so one of them was my friend who I did the social experiments with. Another one was one of my fraternity brothers in college. Another one was a gentleman that we had tried other you know programs that didn't necessarily work. But we built this, we had the meetings, they decided to tell other individuals, they all had their own businesses. So one of them is a self-help leader, his name's Dean Bakari. So he has a bunch of people that he works with. He takes nonfiction self-help books, distills them down into 10 minutes or 10 pages. He has a slew of men that he works with. Another gentleman who I did the social experiment videos, he's in Hollywood. So he's a comedian. He's also a very brilliant man who has his own community. And then for me, I have my own community. I know a lot of people that I've worked with between you know my 25 years of business. I've worked at Motorola, I've worked at startups, I've worked at Coca-Cola, I've worked with Amazon. So I knew a lot of individuals. So we started to reach out to them. Then we also started to sell the journey deck that I told you about. I pitched the journey deck at a couple of competitions. There's a local accelerator competition. I pitched it there, and then I started taking this deck to men's groups myself and facilitating them. So we would pull cards and I facilitated the men's group until we would go through and answer these cards. So it was a multi-pronged approach where we were advertising. We were, you know, we had a website, we were reaching out to our friends. Um, we were also building the Substack community where we send out emails, which is live right now. If you go to gentsjourney.co slash join, we have probably a hundred articles and we have a lot of mini courses uh on ways that you can be the best man possible. And so, and then we do the monthly meetings where we bring these gentlemen into a meeting where we all talk about these subjects, but there's no one size fits all. It's just the fact that we continue to outreach. I run a PR and media agency. I reached out to a bunch of individuals. We were published in the Hollywood Reporter, we're published in some men's magazines. I reached out to Scott Galloway, who's a big men's uh health advocate. We're talking to him to see if we could potentially bring him on the show. So that it's a multi-pronged approach where we're just continuing to reach out to as many men as possible.

DanielaSm 27:48

So it's like a club, a membership that you have.

Resources, Rumi And Final Call

Stephen Seidel 27:51

Yes. Okay. So you can get the resources that you would like for free. You can get free emails. But if you want to go deeper and come to the meetings and have a safe space to share, yes, you can come. Every month we have a meeting where you can come and join the meetings where we talk about a keynote, just like our meetings started with these questions. We talk about it and we share and we find ways that we can deal with them and we have a safe space. There's a varying degree. You can get the free newsletter, you can, you know, go up and get you know a little bit more deeper to our courses, or you can actually escalate it and be involved. But but now we're actually giving away one membership. Everybody who signs up for a premium membership, we're giving a free membership to uh a uh younger male in need because a lot of these younger men are playing video games, they're not leaving the house, they're they're not building the relationships that we used to do out in public and in ball games and you know different experiences. So now we're donating a membership to these gentlemen as well.

DanielaSm 28:47

That's wonderful. Did you have a story of success of something that somebody was a member?

Stephen Seidel 28:52

Yes. Okay. Yes. So one of the stories. So when I came here, I work out at the YMCA locally after the pandemic went on. I'm talking to everybody. I'm new to Lexington. I met a gentleman there and we began to talk, and he worked at the local, it's called the Lexington Leadership. And then he works at the Fatherhood Initiative, where they help fathers who are either incarcerated in and out of jail or through in and out of rehab. There's a lot of people in Lexington, Kentucky that are struggling with addiction. And so they have monthly meetings and they said, Look, you can come and talk to them. So I brought my journey deck and we passed the cards around. And there was a lot of people that were in and out of jail. There was a young man there, I think he was like 18, and he was having some issues at home. They all opened up. We sat in a circle. There's something to be said about a circle, completing thoughts. One of the questions for the man, he was tattooed from head to toe. It's like, who do you have to forgive? Is the question on his card. And he spoke a lot about, you know, not seeing his kids, some issues with abuse and addiction. And he began to cry. And every time I tell the story, I get goosebumps because being in that room, that's what it's all about. That's my mission here moving forward. It's changes for people. For me, it's helping to change the world, especially men, by honoring their story and having accountability. But he cried and he was from Boston. I may look really mean, I may look really uh, you know, bad ASS, but the person that I really need to forgive is myself. And that's truly all that we really need to do. When you forgive, you get rid of all that energy, all that hate, all the things that are built around that, and you give yourself a path forward ahead. And so to see him share that, um, and then there's other examples, like one of the co-founders, my friend who we did the videos with, he created his own self-help course called The Cartoon, which is all about honoring your character. And when you go into a room, your character is who you are and what people say about you when you're not in that room. And so, with that, how can you build a character that is memorable but inspiring? There was also another gentleman who went who was going through bankruptcy with his company, and he had to take a loss for, I think it was like $60,000 for all this equipment that he bought. And we held space for him, and he shared his hesitancies and asked us for suggestions and advice. He ultimately moved forward with it. But to lose your business that you built, your baby you built so long, that's tough, just like I talked about when you lose things. But having us as a safe space to share that and giving suggestions and then reaching out to our network to see if there's opportunities where we could help them find a new job, that's where that connection as currency can allow you to not only connect to your calling, but you can connect to your company, the company you keep and your comp company that you work at. And then lastly, your community to make sure that you're connected to all of them because that's what's really going to help us in the long run.

DanielaSm 31:31

No, that's beautiful. What else? So you you do have the podcast?

Stephen Seidel 31:35

So the podcast that we created is being turned into a TV show. Right now we have the monthly meetings that we're focusing on for Jen's journey. I have a couple other projects that I'm working on putting together, but I focus a lot of my attention on helping business owners elevate their story. For example, I have one woman, she makes uh Chinese noodles in New York City. It's a fun story because it's going back to the connection piece. I was an actor for some time and I connected with a buddy of mine. We shared our souls, and he said, Look, my wife started this restaurant. I know who you are, I know what you stand for, and I know you do amazing work. Will you help her? And so we helped her, but initially she did not want to share her story. It was it's called Noodle Lane in Brooklyn, and she just wanted to make noodles and help give them back. And the food was five-star, it was Michelin grade. But in order to really impact others, I had to stress to her any business, any company, it helps to have a face for your brand, especially if you're a young, growing company. And so eventually we introduced her to a few people. She shared her story, how she struggled with building the company through bullies, all sorts of personal achievements as she worked her way through, and how she learned how to cook in her kitchen with her mom when she was 11 years old in China. And that love of cooking and smelling the food and bringing them together and having that shared experience, like I talked about. That's really what brought her back because her son started to love Dan Dan noodles. And so when we tapped into that, other people could become empathetic, they could root for you, and that's where we went from mission to message to media, and then we started to build a movement, and then now she's opening her second location in Manhattan. But that's typically what we do is just to get deeper in that and really make sure that we can connect to what our story is that we're sharing to others.

DanielaSm 33:13

Oh, wow, that's a beautiful story for sure.

Stephen Seidel 33:16

Yeah, thank you.

DanielaSm 33:17

So you're doing so many good things. So that's wonderful. You must feel so fulfilled.

Stephen Seidel 33:21

Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, my mission at the a at the Sidel agency, which I started when we first began, is to do good, give back, and make an impact. So I donated time to my kids' school. We made their logo, it's on the side of their building, you know, work at the Fatherhood Initiative. I coach soccer, but at the end of the day, it's how can I help more people realize their dreams, be the best version of themselves? But they have to want to do it.

DanielaSm 33:44

Yes, of course. That's the thing. You can never really help whoever doesn't want to be helped.

Stephen Seidel 33:48

Yeah. At first I was I I have a coach myself, and it was like, well, what do you want? I said, I want to make people feel happy. What if they don't want to feel happy? Like you can't make anybody and can give them the information, can help them if they want to be helped. But if not, you know, hopefully you can find your way and have a safe community like Jets Journey where they can help you realize that.

DanielaSm 34:05

I can feel that you are so willing to help people. What do you do when you see that you could help somebody and you try to talk to them? Nothing happens.

Stephen Seidel 34:15

Right? They don't show the initiative. That happens to me all the time. Talking about becoming a people pleaser, I'm a recovering people pleaser. Kind of like uh, you know, cover recovering addiction, but setting these boundaries. So, you know, I have siblings, right? That I see the patterns and you see what's happening and will offer suggestions. But one of the things that we talk about in our gents journey group is simply ask them the question do you want a solution or do you want to be heard? Because oftentimes people, when they have problems, they simply will want somebody to to share them with and to be a sounding board, like our community does, but they're not ready for solutions. But if they say yes, I'm looking for a solution, then great, but be happy to offer them a solution. But in your scenario, um, sometimes we'll offer solutions or I'll work with clients from a coaching perspective and they won't put in the work. And so it becomes apparent in your actions when you say what you do and you do what you say, then it makes sense. But what we're looking for is for a transformation. And I have a I have a five-step acronym that I break down for being great. And if you check off all these boxes, then you're a perfect candidate for that. But if you don't, then typically you're not the ideal candidate. But great for me is an acronym, being grateful. Do you demonstrate a sense of gratitude and being thankful for things that are happening? You don't have to go to work, you get to go to work. Are you reflective? Right? Are you thinking about how your day is going? And when I have a conversation, do you reflect on that? Like, oh, maybe that was wrong. And part of that is, do you have the strength to admit that you're wrong? We say oftentimes, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? You have to have the reflective is the R. Be willing to let it go. The E is empathetic. How do you act? This is what we were doing in social experiments before. How do you act when somebody is, you know, not being heard or being pushed out, or like uh there's a problem where are you empathetic in that? And then the A stands for accountability. Do you show up and get the job done or take accountability and say, look, that was my fault, I shouldn't have done that. Then lastly, are you transformational? And to me, that's what I talked about earlier. Are you coming from happiness or are going for happiness? And when somebody does not, it's a long-winded answer. I talk a lot, but if if somebody is not putting in the work, one of the simplest questions that a mentor has taught me is you ask them, how's that working for you? How's that working for you? Well, I did this, I did this, I did this. How's that working for you? If they say great, cool, go for it. If they say it's not going great, was that something that you would want to change? Yes. Okay, great. How committed are you for that? Well, I'm very committed. And then you can kind of gauge their level of commitment. But how's that working for you? Are you looking for a solution? Or are you just looking to be heard? And uh those are two simple questions that you can kind of distill through the noise. Um, and one of the final things a mentor tells me never tell anybody what they should do. We don't have the answers. You have the answers. You have the story, you have the magic. Ask them a question. How's that working for you? You know, uh what would you have done differently? Or like you can ask, find ways to ask questions, and if you still see a sense of resistance, then obviously it's it's a waste of your effort. People have to want to change wonderful.

DanielaSm 37:28

So tell me three things that you think you learned through your journey.

Stephen Seidel 37:32

Three things that I've learned through my journey. That's a great question. First and foremost, you matter and your story matters. Too often we play small, we feel like we're we're not deserving or we don't belong to come full circle or that we need to please other people. Secondly, your thoughts are not you, let them pass through. And so oftentimes I have these thoughts that come into my brain. I'm like, oh, I have to do this. And so just being mindful, making friends with the voice in the head, I think is crucial. Noticing that. And then lastly, share your story. That's the ultimate goal. That's why I talk about connection as currency. Without your story, without sharing that with everybody, and it could be a text message, it could be calling someone, but just do your best to share your story because that story is how you can connect to the outside world, and that's ultimately the most important currency investment that you can make. And listen too, because then you have a bond that you could never break.

DanielaSm 38:22

Yeah, wonderful. Anything else that we are missed that you want to share? We will all obviously we'll put uh all the in the show notes everything about your company and everything that you you want to explain to people. But anything else?

Stephen Seidel 38:35

Yeah. So would love for anybody who's a man out there and you're looking for safe community, go to gentsjourney.co that's C O Gents Journey, G-E-N-T-S, Gents, like gentlemen, gentsjourney.co slash join free. That's your substack. If you're a company or an organization and you really want to elevate your story and work with journalists and experts, I have a PDF for you. If you go to the Cidelagency.com slash media, so that's T-H-E S E I D E L agency.com slash media. It's a free PDF, has four platforms where journalists are looking for people to share their story. And then uh, you know, if you need coaching, you know, if you DM me over there as well if you're a company. But I want to leave you with this quote. This is for my TEDx talk. It's a quote from Rumi. Because too often when we lose something in our world, we feel like it's gone, but really it's never really gone anywhere. This love doesn't disappear. We carry it with us. So we have moments of serendipity that remind us um to just take a moment and realize that we're surrounded. But it's a quote by Rumi. Goodbyes are for those who love with their eyes, because for those who love with their heart and soul, there's no such thing as separation. We are all connected. Connection is the only currency that matters. And at the end of the day, we need to reconnect, rebuild, and reclaim our purpose. And the way we do that is by sharing your story. Thank you for letting me share my story.

DanielaSm 40:00

I know, thank you for that coach. Wonderful way of ending the episode. So thank you so much.

Stephen Seidel 40:05

Thank you again. Appreciate it.

DanielaSm 40:07

Stephen's story reminds us that belonging isn't something we earn by performing for others. It grows when we are willing to show up honestly and let ourselves be seen. Sometimes the spaces we are searching for don't exist yet until we create them for ourselves and for others. If something from this conversation stays with you, share it with someone who might need a reminder that their story matters. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening.