Building Self-Belief - Healing, Leadership, And A Life You Choose - Amy Lenius : 177

What if the turning point in your health wasn’t a new treatment… but you deciding to lead your own care? 

What followed was a decade-long pivot from chronic endometriosis and medical dismissal to patient-led healing, a purpose-driven career, and a growth framework blending physiology with psychology. Amy Lenius, Director of Group Coaching at Next Level University and certified personal development coach, shares the compounding choices that changed everything: building a multi-modal care team, removing endocrine disruptors, and swapping miracle fixes for small wins that last. She reveals how functional testing uncovers what “normal ranges” miss and why self-advocacy can be life-saving when systems don’t listen.

The conversation turns from health to human behaviour. Amy breaks down the difference between self-belief (can I?) and self-worth (do I deserve it?), showing why strategy fails when either is low. She introduces four archetypes, Hero, Victim, Villain, and Guide, to reframe how we lead, coach, and love without burning out. The shift from Hero to Guide changes everything: opens the door, holds the standard, stops dragging people who don’t want to walk. We also talk about motivation profiles, growth-oriented vs relationship-oriented, and how to design habits that align with who you are, not who you’re told to be.

There’s also a bold life redesign. Amy and her family moved across Canada for space, nature, and a values-aligned rhythm. Planning replaced panic, community replaced scarcity, and self-awareness became the compass. If you’ve ever felt stuck by a diagnosis, a job, a town, or your own timeline, this story offers a map: learn your body, learn your mind, audit your environment, and stack tiny, honest wins. 

Share this with someone who needs a nudge to choose the next right step. Then tell us: which archetype do you default to, and what would Guide mode change for you?

https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/

Chapters

• 0:40 Meet Amy And Her Mission
• 2:31 Early Endometriosis And Dismissal
• 4:16 Quitting Meds And Going Holistic
• 6:38 From Healing To Holistic Coaching
• 9:46 Self-Belief, Patience, Small Wins
• 13:20 Navigating Systems And Building A Care Team
• 16:50 Detoxing The Environment And Hormones
• 19:56 Persistence, Flareups, And Self-Advocacy
• 24:45 Coaching Frameworks: Belief And Worth
• 28:43 Speaking To Different Audiences
• 31:25 Leadership Through The Lens Of Belief
• 34:18 Hero, Victim, Villain, Guide
• 39:20 Awareness And Intentional Action
• 41:56 Moving Cross-Country With Intention
• 47:00 Beliefs, Belonging, And Community

Transcript

DanielaSm: 0:00

Hi, I'm Daniela. Let's talk about taking the lead in your health. What if the turning point wasn't the new treatment, but the decision to lead your own care?

Speaker: 0:11

Finally, after you know a long time uh years of just pain and discomfort and you know collapsing because it was affecting the nerves in my legs. People with high self-belief typically don't need as much external push. People with low self-belief really do. Plus my ability to see in real time that things are going to take time. Between those two things, I just found my way into becoming pain-free naturally.

DanielaSm: 0:40

My guest is Amy Lenius, director of group coaching at Next Level University and certified personal development coach. After a decade of navigating medical dismissal, Amy created a patient-led path to healing and a growth framework that blends physiology with psychology, built on small, compounding choices that create lasting change. Let's enjoy her story. Welcome, Amy, to the show. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for our conversation today. I know. And you were living in Vancouver, Canada, and now you move to Ontario, right? Mm-hmm.

Speaker: 1:17

Yeah, we uh were out west. We were in a town called Camlips, so maybe three hours into the interior from where you are.

DanielaSm: 1:24

Yeah, that's true. Beautiful, close to uh Sun Peaks. Yes. And I know you moved to a beautiful town. We we were talking before. I was really impressed with how happy you were that you make that change. Anyway, I I know you're here for a story. Tell me why you want to share your story.

Amy Lenius: 1:39

Uh well, yeah, we did talk about that. And I think that's a huge part of my story, too, actually, is just picking up and moving across the country into this beautiful little aligned life that we have that we can definitely kind of bring in. Because I think that those kind of big changes can be scary for people. And not that we didn't have our you know uncertainties, but it was still just such an aligned choice. So we can bring that in if you if you'd like. But like you said, we're gonna we're gonna tell a story today. So my name is Amy Lennius, and I currently now partner with a company called Next Level University, and we are all about personal development and success and how they go hand in hand and how your version of each one is very individualistic to you. And I fell in love with all of this, I think, and have been able to plant my flag here with such love and certainty because of my story, because of where I have been and what I have done. And so if we want to go all the way back, I deeply believe my story starts in young adolescents. I grew up very sick. I grew up with a condition called endometriosis. It's very hormone female driven, and it causes a lot of different symptoms for a lot of different women, but it is chronic inflammation, chronic pain, uh, very, very problematic cycles, and you see a lot of like infertility and all sorts of different things can come from this condition. And when I was early on in my journey, no one seemed to think that it was a problem. They didn't want to give me any kind of diagnosis because it was like, oh, you're having trouble with your cycle. Oh, you're having painful periods. Welcome to becoming a woman. This is just a natural part of the cycle of life for you. And I was like, wow, okay, that sucks. Yeah, that sucks. What when do you figure those out? What age? Um, I don't know, 14 is when we started, probably. Wow. No, a lot of people didn't know what to do with it initially. I don't think I got a diagnosis until I was 19. So it was a long time of like, okay, I'm going to do the tracking of my cycle, compare with my friends. What else do you do at that age? And finally, after you know, a long time of years of just pain and discomfort and you know collapsing because it was affecting the nerves in my legs and all sorts of things, I finally got a diagnosis when they did an exploratory surgery. And so from there, once I had the diagnosis, it was surgeries and medications and hormone therapies and all sorts of things that um, you know, take a toll on you mentally and physically, but it seemed to be the only thing that was available for me to do. And so I went along with that system for a while until about my early 20s, I want to say 23-ish, 23, 24, where I was still having so much pain, still really struggling cyclically, but also now starting to have side effects from all of the different medications they had me on and such. So I had this moment where I was like, you know what? I need to stop. I want to stop everything. I want to safely come off of everything and just get to know my body again and see what that looks like and see what's working and see what isn't. Because we've just compounded all these things over the years, and I would like to just fresh start. And so I did. I safely came off of everything, and I just started exploring different modalities of health. I got a lot of great advice from a lot of different practitioners, and I myself was in school for anatomy and physiology at the time as well. So between those two things, I just found my way into becoming pain-free naturally and being able to heal my body and keep my pain at bay, let's say, because it's not exactly a curable condition. If I were to go back to all of my old ways, I do deeply believe it would come back because I do have certain flare-ups that happen if I do certain things. But I have it completely just at rest, let's say, where I get to be pain-free from a condition I was told that I wouldn't be. I had two beautiful children and I was told that might be an impossibility for me. And when I look back, again, hindsight's always 20-20, but when I look back, it is because I had a level of belief in me that I could do something, that there must be something out there to even get me like 10% feeling better. I was just always going for small little wins. I was never like, I'm gonna be 100% healthy because no one ever painted that picture of possibility for me. But I just deeply believed that I could just get a little bit, a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit better with each step that I took. And so that's what I did. I went and found a wonderful natural path. I got a lot of different body therapies. I learned that your external environment is extremely important when it comes to your internal environment health and how your internal environment deeply does affect your external environment as well. So that's where I fell in love with the word holistic. Holistic meaning everything affects everything else. And so fast forward a bunch of different lovely career paths in between here and now. I started off as a massage therapist out west, and then I got to begin public speaking and educating on women's health and natural wellness, and then started my own podcast, started my own coaching program, and started working with Kevin and Allen through the podcast and through my coaching program. I started working with them at Next Level University, and I partnered with them initially as a client because I loved their slogan of holistic self-improvement. Now we don't talk about that as much nowadays. It's still just this lifeline and through line of the company, but no one knows what you're talking about when you say holistic self-improvement. So now we talk more about personal development and success. But initially it was that you can get better and have a holistic life of health, wealth, quality of life, and love and be successful in all of them and how they all affect each other. So it's really, really important to bring them all in together and see how they work holistically. And I loved that. Oh my gosh, I loved when they spoke on stuff like that. And so I became a client, and then I ended up one day sending one of my keynote speeches, one that I had written, my favorite one. It was called Holistic Healing for Your Hormones. I sent it to Alan because he himself is a public speaker and a coach, and I wanted some feedback on it. And he gave me wonderful feedback, and then he asked if I would come and be their MC for their live event that they do once a year. And it just proliferated from there. I now get to do a lot of wonderful things within the company, but that was my first little in of working with them, and it was just so aligned and so much fun. And at this company, I feel so supported in bringing everything that I have done up until now, my education of anatomy and physiology, my support of women's health and their versions of success and growth and holistic wellness. And I get to bring that in and I get to add it to what I have learned here about self-belief, self-worth, more like psychology and coaching in a way that helps people find their unique version of success. And so it's been just this wonderful journey that all feeds together into what I get to do now, and I'm so grateful.

DanielaSm: 8:46

Yeah, you just told me the whole story in nine minutes. You can break it down now, though, if you want to ask some questions. So you you were not feeling well and going back to your youth, you got diagnosed. How do you figure it out? I don't want to take anything anymore and I want to do it myself.

Amy Lenius: 9:02

Um, well, like I said, when I look back, you can always see certain traits in yourself because hindsight's always 20-20. You never know when you're in it. I just had this deep belief in me that I could be doing more and that I needed to take my health into my own hands. And I think going into school for anatomy and physiology, I think that really helped with that to understand that I am in charge of my body, I am in charge of my wellness, and that actually no one cares more about my health than I do. I mean, you can go to doctors, you can go to all of these things, but at the end of the day, they're not as invested as you need to be. So empowering myself with knowledge and collecting a nice little wellness committee for myself of people that felt really good to work with and felt really aligned to work with was one of the best things that I ever did. And so I deeply believe I had a deep root of self-belief. And so self-belief is what you believe you're capable of externally, your competency, your capabilities. And I can look back and see that I've had a high level of that my whole life. And so I think that that helps. Plus, my ability to see in real time that things are going to take time. And I think that's harder for people nowadays because we have all of this instant gratification all the time, right? It's like, oh, take this one thing, you're gonna be better. And that's I get that question a lot, actually. What is the one thing you did that helped you heal? And I can't answer that ever because there isn't just one thing, it's things that I did that compounded over years and years of conscious effort.

DanielaSm: 10:36

So the answer would be uh to be patient. That would be the one thing that you did is to, and you also you said it to have small wins, yes, which is interesting. But okay, but so you study this, that helps a lot. I just find it that even if you sometimes read a lot, there is so much out there that you just get bombarded with like, oh my god, what is the answer? I mean, having a committee, I totally agree with that. I also have done that, but I feel that uh still you you know, you have to go to the doctor, even he's not invested in you, and then they kind of are against whatever you think is needed, or they dismiss whatever you're saying.

Amy Lenius: 11:14

So you can build this committee, but I think unless you're really wealthy, that you can just choose the people you want, I think it's harder because you you still have to go to the doctor, and it's harder nowadays because you also can't really be choosy with the doctors that you have in Canada because most people don't even have a family doctor anymore. And so it's hard to get into the system and be like, you know what, this doctor and I aren't working well together, I'd like to go find a different one. Well, you can't these days, and so that is that is really, really challenging. And yes, uh money helps, right? If you have the ability to financially invest in yourself, then you can do that here in Canada. You can go and pay to see specialists, you can go and pay to see certain things. Now, lots of times there's really good benefit packages with certain companies and whoever you work for. That's always worth looking into first. What do your benefits cover? Because if you can go get coverage for things like massage therapy, naturopathic doctors, acupuncture, things like that, go try it out. Right, go try it. There's so many different modalities out there that can be so supportive for you. And what might work for me might not work for you. Again, we're all so individual when it comes to that. But I just urge and encourage people to not only learn about yourself, right? Empower yourself with the knowledge that you need, but also go find different modalities. Go get curious, see what works, see what doesn't, and really find your way. Because if you start up, start and stop at one type of thing and then decide, oh my gosh, I can't be helped, it's a really disempowering place to be, and you don't want to get stuck there.

DanielaSm: 12:47

Yes, you're right. And so what are the comedies that you have? A naturopath? What else? Oh my gosh, I had so many.

Amy Lenius: 12:54

I had a chiropractor that I loved. I absolutely adored him. He was amazing. And I say was because I've moved from a lot of these people now. But I had a massage therapist that I love. I went to an acupuncture. I did, I did therapies like cranial sacral therapy, which was wonderful. My naturopathic doctor was one that really, really helped me. And then, you know, discovering natural wellness companies, like I love Young Living. I don't know if you've ever heard of them, but they helped me just detox my environment and really learn what it meant to take care of your external environment and not have toxins in your home that are working against your health goals. So for me, it was really, really important to detox my environment from things like endocrine disruptors, things that are going to affect my hormones in a negative way when I was trying so hard to heal my hormones on the inside. But if I was still using stuff in my external environment that was suppressing that, you're kind of playing a losing game. You can only get so far by just doing the internal work. You need to do the external work as well, just like you can only get so far physically if you're not keeping up mentally. And so they all go together again. That's why I love that word holistically so deeply, because everything affects everything else. It really does. And as soon as you start separating things, you're taking away a piece of the puzzle that could really help support you.

DanielaSm: 14:08

Exactly. The doctors don't have enough time to listen to the whole story, and so they can't put things together. Yeah, that's amazing. So you had your kids, and after having your kids, you didn't have any more issues, nothing like that. Oh, plenty. Okay.

Amy Lenius: 14:24

Plenty. Like I said, this journey is at least a decade long, right? And so I think we get frustrated when we don't see the results that we want that zero to 100 in what, a month, a year. I don't know what people's timelines are, but they're very short nowadays. And when it comes to success, whatever success journey you're on, whether that be a health journey of health and wellness, your version of success or monetary, we typically find people's timelines and expectation of the timeline is a bit of a barrier for them. And so, no, I don't think people like to hear that it took me, you know, a good decade to really get to where I'm at now. But I started seeing results within the first couple months, or it would have been, you know, challenging to know what was working. And so it took time. It took, you know, even having my kids, having my kids brought on its own level of difficulty in between my children, for example. Right before I got pregnant with my youngest, I got really sick again. And it was my endometriosis was really bad, but then something else shifted. I had pain that I had never experienced before, which is saying something because I was in pain, you know, 90% of the time. This was a different level of pain. It was so bad, and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse over a period of a few days. I ended up in the hospital like three or four times in less than a week, and they just wouldn't help me. It was a really key moment in time where my diagnosis didn't help me. It actually hindered me because they just kept saying, Oh, it's your endometriosis flaring up. Take some more heavy pain medication and go home. Oh, yep, it's just your endo flaring up here. Here's some narcotics. Go to sleep and go home. It'll pass. And finally, on my like fourth visit to the hospital, I got a doctor that actually finally listened to me. Plus, I decided going in. I said to my husband, I'm like, do not let me leave this hospital until someone has done something other than send me home with drugs. I said, I'm gonna stand there and I am going to say, like, please, like, do something. I'm not leaving until you run a test. Anything. Because they wouldn't even run tests. Nothing. It was unbelievable. Gratefully, got a wonderful doctor that night who had said, Oh my gosh, you've been in here like a few times this week. What are we doing? I said, Yeah, I feel like I'm dying. It is unbelievably painful. And so he did some tests and saw that a cyst had burst on my ovary, a really big one on the whole backside of my ovary, and it didn't close. And I my wow, my abdominal cavity was filling with blood. I was bleeding internally. Yeah, so I had to get whipped into surgery so that I had stopped bleeding internally. And you know, the guy literally saved my life. And so that right there, that was my last little moment of okay, I am in charge. I know my body best, and I need to fight for that. And you need to fight for that to get some support and get some help sometimes. And so again, just you know your body best, and it's really important to stand in that when you need to.

DanielaSm: 17:19

Yes, no, that's true. Believe in what you believe, but you really sometimes don't get any help. As you, I have a naturopath. And when I was 41, I got a partial hysterectomy because I had a lot of endometriosis and I had a lot of pain, and it was the best thing for me. Like, I was so happy that uh I feel so much better. Even my moods have changed. I went to a doctor and he did some tests, and he's like, Oh, you're a menopause. Good luck. And I was like, What? You you can't just leave me here. Like, there is that's what do you mean, good luck? That's it. He didn't want to talk to me and heard about his naturopath. And since then, she has been like my angel to me. Like, she has helped so much. But you know, when I go to the regular doctor, which is a different one now, she always says, Oh, well, but you go to a naturopath, so I can't help you. I'm waiting for her to become 50. So maybe she will understand, or maybe she will never change it.

Amy Lenius: 18:17

Yes, and that unfortunately happens all the time. There's a lot of gaslighting in medicine, and what's unfortunate is they also could do so well working together. They could do so well partnering, not, oh, I can't say anything because I'm a doctor and you're working with a natural path. No, work together. Be the people who can work together for the sake of the health of the patient. And I've never understood that. There's a lot of ego involved in medicine, I find. And so, yeah, no, if you can have a team, though, of people that you can really take your concerns to and have someone do some actual testing, that's what I love about natural paths the most, is their testing is more thorough and their windows of normal, I put that in quotes, is is more defined. And I like that. So if you go get your hormones tested in Western medicine at the doctor's, your range of normal is like this. Whereas when you go and test at a natural path, their window of normal is like this. And if you're even close to either end, they'll say, you know what, we could fix this a little bit, we could support this a little bit better. Whereas in medicine, if you're on this spectrum and they're like you're even at the very, very low end, but you're still in the range of normal, you're fine, it's fine, go home. It's gonna be fine. That slight difference in estrogen of that bigger window, it can change your whole life.

DanielaSm: 19:37

Yes, but I feel like it's frustrating for many people. And you're another example.

Amy Lenius: 19:42

Yeah, yeah, it can be very frustrating. And again, like you said, we can't really judge or try and empathize because we're not in that position. And I know that they do see a lot of people all the time that take up a lot of their time that don't need to, and I'm sure that could be very, very frustrating. But sometimes people are genuinely coming in desperate for help, and you're there only. Only line be helped. And it's it's very frustrating when you get turned away and not seen in how disruptive something has come become in your quality of life.

DanielaSm: 20:09

Yeah. After these, you decided to study something else to help people? How was that?

Amy Lenius: 20:15

Uh well, I was just able to with my own healing journey and the things that I had learned, and then my background in anatomy and physiology. I just started piecing things together that were really simplistic that I thought could be done on a daily basis for people that they could do in their own life at home. And I started really bringing it into my practice in a way that I love treating women. I loved like doing a lot of pre- and postnatal care and a lot of like pelvic pelvic balancing and low back balancing for women and things. I loved that so much. And so my practice became really based around that. And then uh through the company, through Young Living, I got asked to start telling my story about how cleaning up my environment had really made a huge difference in my health. And so I got to, those were the first stages I got to speak on. And the first rooms that I got to speak in were people looking to detox their environment and take a more natural approach and a more proactive approach to their health. And so that was wonderful when I got to do that kind of speaking and educating. That was my favorite part of that. I found a love for public speaking, which is crazy, I know. But when you have something that you really want to say and you have something that you know is going to support and affect a lot of women who feel so alone, so misunderstood. I mean, so there's so much around women's cycles and hormones and things. There's lots of, you know, shame, there's lots of misinformation and misunderstandings, there's all sorts of crazy things when it comes to the perception of women's hormones and the beliefs that we grow up with around them, even. And so when I would go and I would speak and I would see these people just light up and I would see them nod and I would see them just see themselves in my story. It was really, really beautiful. And that fueled me to keep going in that space for sure.

DanielaSm: 22:09

Yes, if you have a beautiful subject that inspire people, it's always wonderful that you get to do that. And I I love that you love public speaking. But so then you also have clients, you also have are you a coach?

Amy Lenius: 22:21

Yeah, so now what's been really neat is through my own work and through my own programs and things, I would come away from that sometimes being like, okay, they really love what I have to say. They're loving what I have to say, they feel so seen, they feel so supported, but they're still struggling to implement these things themselves and struggling to be consistent and struggling to just do the things that I was able to do. And so when I started working with Alan and Kevin at NLU, and we started to dive into people and their versions of success and what that looks like and what it takes to get there, I saw that I was missing pieces and how I could support women better. I was never assessing their individual level of self-belief. I was never assessing their level of worth too. So a lot of women put their worth into their health, which is wild to say out loud, and when you think about it logically, it obviously doesn't make sense. But there are parts of us that believe we are not worthy of being healthy, not worthy of being pain-free, that we are just supposed to have painful periods and that we have to deal with it, there's nothing we can do about it, or especially in the chronic illness space, so many people tie that to their identity. And I never really did, which is why I was able to do the things that I was able to do and not and watch people not do what I was able to do. So those pieces that have come together through everything I have done now through NLU and the frameworks we've been able to create and the ones that Alan have taught me, and just even like I've been studying things like acceptance and commitment therapy. I love that form of therapy. So good. Like that has all come together into the work that I get to do now. It's even like going on podcasts like this, it's really hard to talk on certain subjects because some things, when it comes to goals and habits and crushing your dreams of success and things, the things you can say actually only speak to about 50% of the people. But if you're talking to people with low self-belief, all of a sudden they feel crushed and it's not gonna work for them and they can't possibly do it. So why would they even try? So it's really hard to actually speak on a macro. So learning to assess people's individual levels of self-worth, of self-belief, of their beliefs in general. Do they believe it's possible? Do they believe it's possible for them? Do they believe the process is gonna be worth it and what it's gonna take along the way? If not, then we need to adjust because you're never gonna get there. Absolutely. So there's so many little nuances that I have learned now that I can help people with that make the coaching that I do now more well-rounded, more holistic, instead of just teaching women about their bodies, it's it's just expanded into, you know, I still help women, it's still a lot of fun. I can't help but bring their cyclical nature into everything that I talk to them about. Beautiful. I can feel the passion.

DanielaSm: 25:16

Amy, when you make the speeches, now that you learn that only 50% will be by or affected by it, have you changed the speeches to affect the others? How do you do that? Because you know, if you have an emotional relationship with you that is not optimal, that's a lot of it seems like a lot of therapy needed before thank God to you.

Amy Lenius: 25:39

It is, it is. And it's, I don't know, it's such an important thing to be able to assess as a coach. If you're speaking into people's lives, you need to know that their level of self-belief is going to come in there, their core wound is gonna come in there. You can speak to someone with a certain core wound that would be so positive for them that is so detrimental to another core wound. It's really important to zoom out enough and have the audience who you're speaking into self-identify the terms that you are speaking of. So it's very, very valuable to say, okay, I'm gonna say this, and then I'm gonna ask the audience to self-identify whether that makes sense to them or whether it doesn't. And if not, then you're in this bucket. Now I'm gonna speak to this bucket. You decide which bucket you're in and know that each one is not right or wrong. However, you heard that, it's not right or wrong. It's just how your makeup works. And so I think that too, so much permission in the fact that if you're not like someone else, it doesn't mean that you're less than. It's just you have to find a different strategy that makes sense to you.

DanielaSm: 26:41

Yeah, that's interesting. That's actually fascinating because in all levels, you know, not just only when you speak, uh, when you manage, you know, as a leader as well, you have all those people that, okay, I see so much potential. And in my case, you know, I see so much potential in these young people. I prepare a leadership plan to help them. And that's all what I can do, really, because how can I push anymore if they don't have the drive or anything else? I see that they can do it, but if they don't believe it, it is quite difficult, right?

Amy Lenius: 27:12

Knowing this stuff, even as a leader, I love going and actually speaking on leadership podcasts and and into leadership because this is like a super skill. It's a superpower that you can acquire for yourself to be able to understand the people that you're leading and to lead by example in those ways. Because leadership is leading by example in its own way, right? It is one of the most fundamental pieces of leadership is leading by example and finding out what your integrity is and what is aligned for you, and then how to lead people in the right way. I don't think you can even lead people as effectively as you could if you didn't know this about them.

DanielaSm: 27:47

Yes, they also have to help themselves. It's just only so much you can do, otherwise you become a nager.

Amy Lenius: 27:53

Yeah, so people with high self-belief typically don't need as much external push. People with low self-belief really do. They really do. And people with low self-worth, you need to talk to them a little bit different because their whole stuff, their all their struggles are internal rather than competency external. And so building them up in a different way is in it's entirely different than building someone up who already has high self-worth. They're already really capable and competent when it comes to boundaries, communication, social courage, investing in themselves, like using comparison for healthy motivational reasons versus to a detriment. Someone with high self-worth can do all of those things. But if they have low self-belief and they don't believe they're capable of achieving something, that's a different lens to speak to them through if versus the opposite.

DanielaSm: 28:41

How much can you push to those ones who have low self-esteem to not become these annoying oh, I don't want to hear it anymore?

Amy Lenius: 28:48

Yeah, you yourself have to learn to have enough self-worth to not push.

DanielaSm: 28:52

Uh-huh.

Amy Lenius: 28:52

You can only push people so far, right? I mean, we have these these archetypes that we all live in at different times, but we want to we want to learn to embody the archetype of what's called the guide. So at all times we're either being a hero, a villain, a victim, or a guide. Oh. And the hero, the hero pushes. The hero pushes people. They constantly try and bring people with them. Hey, I believe that you can do this. I see something in you that you don't see in yourself, and I will, to a detriment to myself, push you to get there. That is the hero. And the hero eventually always needs to evolve into the guide. The guide is I believe you can get there. Here's the path, here's where we're going. I'm not going to push or drag you with me, but you can come through this door with me and I will support you in that. But I will not stay here with you. I will not let you drag me down, and I can't force you to get there yourself. But here's the door, and here's all the tools. This is where I'm going. You're welcome to come with, and I'm happy to support you to get there. It's a very different energy. And so when we're in hero complex, it's this martyrdom constantly where we will do more for others than for ourselves. We will push others more into detriment to ourselves. And that typically falls into people with low self-worth. High competency. This is what we're gonna do. We can absolutely achieve it. Everyone come with me, and I will break my back to help you get there. Uh-huh. And it's exhausting. And so the goal is step into the guide. And we all depends on the the scenario, depends on the topic you're in, depends on the situation you're in, what things people always have things that turn them into a villain and turn them into a victim, and and their hero complex will come out. But when you learn to recognize that in yourself, when you learn, oh shoot, I'm being a bit of a victim here. How can I how can I turn this into a more empowered state? Victims typically always blame themselves and have this feeling of, gosh, I can't get out of here because of me. It's my own fault that I can't figure out this thing or be this thing. And villains tend to get into a mode of, oh, I can't do this because of external sources. There's something externally in my way, and I'm blaming and I'm going to, you know, villainize. We all have moments and, like I said, subjects and scenarios where we can get into each one of those, but that's where self-awareness comes in. Again, self-awareness is everything because you can recognize, oh, I'm in this mode right now. I can I have the empowered choice to come out. Oh, I'm being a hero again. I'm trying to push this person along at the expense of myself. Okay, you have to let that go. Show them the way. And then if they come along, great. If they don't, we have to work on letting that go out of our hearts.

DanielaSm: 31:31

We can be on those four levels anytime in our life. We can be a guide and suddenly go back to hero and be a victim and stuff. Okay, okay. Interesting.

Amy Lenius: 31:39

Yep. And the goal is to build your self-belief and your self-worth up enough that you are regularly in guide mode versus others. So heroes, high self-belief, low self-worth. Victims, low self-belief, low self-worth. They're just, they're just so stuck. Villains tend to have low self-belief and inflated self-worth. They get a little bit of an arrogance there. And then the guide has just continuously building high levels of self-belief and self-worth. It's a mountaintop that you never actually get to. You can always get better at these things and always grow more and always become more self-aware, more healed, more empowered, more self-belief, more self-worth. But if you can get your levels up to where you are consistently sitting at guide level, where that's your more natural state and your natural home, it's just way better.

DanielaSm: 32:30

Wow, that's that's beautiful. Thank you for for that. I'd never heard of that before, but of course I see it all the time in so many people and myself. And so, yes, that's amazing in relationships and everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Well, think of you the next time I become a villain or a victim.

Amy Lenius: 32:48

And then you're gonna have a moment of grace. Okay, that's okay. Everyone has these moments. How can I take the steps to come out of it? And then you do what you have to do.

DanielaSm: 32:58

I remember hearing that uh, like for example, if you're acting like a villain and you're not noticing it, then there you have a problem. But if you are aware of it, then then it's just uh you can come out and know what the better path is for sure.

Amy Lenius: 33:10

Yeah, yeah, when you're aware, you can choose intention, you can choose an intentional action.

DanielaSm: 33:15

Yes. So, Amy, I seen that you are successful, that you love what you're doing, that you are empowering people, that you work with a company that you adore and you love public speaking, and then you also move from one across the country. Uh, tell me a bit about that. I mean, obviously, you wanted to move, so that's a bit diff different than when you don't, but it is a change, and you have you move with kids. So, how was that experienced?

Amy Lenius: 33:43

It was a really wonderful experience. Naturally, humanity likes to be in scarcity. We're very scarce beings, and so we think we're stuck places or stuck in jobs or stuck in things, right? It's not true. Now, does time play a factor? Absolutely. Can you quit your job tomorrow? No, don't do that. That's irresponsible. But with enough time, energy, intention, and effort, you really can make powerful changes in your life. Again, give yourself that gift of time and intention. Because no, we couldn't have quit our jobs and moved across the country like tomorrow, but we made plans. And the my favorite part of the story is the reaction of others. Like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. What about Chris's job, my husband? What about this? Well, we'll find one when we get there. Like, it's gonna be okay. And I know that that's really, really challenging, but we we have a lot of family here. So uh my family and I used to holiday here every year because my mom is from here, this tiny little town that we're in in Ontario. We have a lot of family. My grandparents, I've got aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, and uncles. It's we're we're everywhere out here. But my mom made the choice, she made the brave choice initially to move to BC, away from everybody 40 some odd years ago, and start her life there. And then we had our life out in BC. She had us, she met dad, all the things, and we would come and and visit. Like I said, one day my folks were here, and I mean, this was when did we move? We moved in 2022, so end of year 2021. My folks had just been visiting here and they came home, they had us over for dinner, and they're like, So here's the thing: we think we want to move there. We think we want to go and just be there, be with family, but also more so have the kind of lifestyle we can have there. Being on the water, being, you know, around just so much nature, and we all love that so much. And so Chris and I sat there and we're like, okay, well, here's a funny story. We also have been thinking of moving. We want more space, we want more land, we want to just move into something a little more simplistic than being in this neighborhood and things. Mom and dad were like, oh, really? Because we were going to say you have to come with us, or we're gonna steal your children and bring them with us. So you guys have to decide. And so that was just really funny because of I'm so fortunate my parents are very involved in my children's lives. COVID for us was this whole thing where we really, I mean, you saw it everywhere. Everyone from Vancouver was moving to Kamloops, and everyone from Kamloops was moving into something smaller, right? Everyone was craving more space. And again, I had the support of family, my folks moved across with us. We'd all drove across, packed up the van, and shipped a bunch of stuff, a dog, a cat, we're in the van with us, the two kids. It was just the most incredible, most memorable journey. And because it was such a wonderful adventure, I do see maybe more of that even again in the future. After we're done with whatever life has for us here, maybe we'll go again because it just wasn't as scary as everyone made it out to be. It wasn't as detrimental or negative or anything to make these massive changes. If anything, it just showed us that what is possible.

DanielaSm: 36:58

Yes, it is always in our in our head how difficult things are. But also I find some people's personality for me. Uh, now that our kids are older, I thought we wanted to travel. These some people, you know, their kids move out of their house and then they just buy a bigger house. So for me, it's like having a bigger house that would be a bigger cage, and I want to be free of stuff, and I want to be able to see the world more. So it is why I like it. Doesn't mean that it's right or wrong, but some people cannot do it. Some people like to be in the same place all their life, and and and some other people don't mind the adventure. So I think that's also personality.

Amy Lenius: 37:35

Yeah, it is, and again, it comes back to self-awareness. Know that about yourself, don't just assume. Figure it out, like really figure it out. Say, are these beliefs mine or are these beliefs that were projected onto me in my upbringing? Do I actually want to stay put in this town that I grew up in, or do I want to go and explore an adventure and then decide, you know what? Actually, this is the place that I feel most at home. So then you can come back. Or vice versa, you find home somewhere else, you find more fulfillment, more aligned people, places, things, ideas that come with exploration. And so just be sure that these beliefs are yours because we grow up with a lot of beliefs that are not ours. And when you can really root in these ones are mine, and I have discovered them for myself, life becomes more fulfilling. Yeah.

DanielaSm: 38:21

I I think also the challenge is when you are the only one who thinks that way. You know, like uh you're the only one who likes these, or the other one who, you know, like go going back to the doctor, if I'm the only one who always looking for for the best solution, and friends that will say, Oh my god, I wish I could, I wish I would. And then I'm like, Well, do it. But they don't, you know. So then I keep thinking, oh, where are the people that are like me? Where are they? Sometimes I feel like uh it could feel a little lonely. Do you have that experience, or you are surrounded by people just like-minded like you?

Amy Lenius: 38:54

I am not. Oh my goodness, I am not surrounded by people who think like me. Um, but I am lucky enough to have an online community that I get to tap into that thinks like me. And that helps a lot. That I know that I can tap into that, I mean, weekly, daily, whatever that looks like, and be supported there and feel really seen there. And then I have, you know, we have my parents who are just so lovely in our life, and we have them, they're very close to us. But we don't, I mean, we have our homeschool community too, in person, which is so nice for the boys and things. But our focus right now, like as a family, Chris and I as a couple, what we want for our family and things, actually doesn't need to involve a big social circle right now. We're very focused on our life, our boys, and focused on building our financial abundance and just making sure that we are aligning and spending time with people who do align with our vision very deeply, because that's very, very important. That whole saying, you are the people, you start. The most time with the average of the five people you spend the most time with, like who is influencing you, because whether you consciously think they're influencing you or not, they are. You can't help it. So I make sure I show up to, you know, our free book club on Saturdays. That's a growth-oriented book club right now where we're reading Thinking and Bets, for example, where I get to tap into a community who is dedicated to just self-awareness and growing themselves and taking in hard truths and you know healing their lives, healing their mindsets and things. I get to tap into that every week. We have such an incredible community at NLU. I'm so grateful to even be connected to a team. We have an 18-person team where they're all very growth-oriented, very lovely. You can find places to tap into online, thankfully, which is really, really neat. Now, some of us need more in person, so you gotta go out and explore and find things that things that people are gonna go to that that feel you know aligned with you for sure. But no, I'm very fortunate to have the community that I have and the life that I have at home where I don't feel like I need to go and escape that regularly with other people. And then the online community is the people that you help. Yes, and the people who get to help and pour into me. Like I said, Kevin and Alan, the founders of Next Level University, gosh, I'm so grateful to have access to them, their brains, their support, their belief in me is something I've never experienced actually. And I'm so grateful for that. I feel like I'm actually getting more than I'm giving. That has not been a common experience in my life. Typically, I am the one who's has the most capacity and capability to give. And so to find a space that gives just as much back, if not more, has just been one of the greatest gifts, honestly.

DanielaSm: 41:42

And how do you feel about that? Because usually, you know, what is always the other way around how you said you give more. So now that you're getting more, do you always feel like, oh my God, how can I give more?

Amy Lenius: 41:51

Um, no, no, especially now that I've built myself worth, actually. And I don't feel like I need to be a people pleaser and justifying all the time of that equality and things. No, I get to give to this space, but I have the capacity and the capability to give. I'm never thinking, oh my, oh my goodness, how can I give more because I'm getting so much? Now I am constantly thinking, how can I improve and do better? Uh that's just my natural state of being. Okay, here's something I did this week for the company. What how can I do this better? How can I do this again, even just more efficiently, so that I can still be out living my life.

DanielaSm: 42:26

And does he ever stop, though, Amy? That way of thinking, I am like you too, that I always want to learn more. How can I be better? And does he ever stop?

Amy Lenius: 42:33

No, it doesn't. You can put people into two buckets. There's growth-oriented people and there's relationship-oriented people. Again, no right or wrong, just knowing which one is yours. Growth-oriented people will grow regardless of relationships because it's just their natural way. They want to grow, they want to learn, they want to expand, they want to do things. And again, this doesn't always look like business and personal development. It's also, you know, how can I learn and create healthier meals for my family regularly? How can I, there's always a level of becoming more and doing things that matter to you more excellent. And then there's relationship bucket where people will do those things for the sake of a relationship that they're in because they cultivate the relationship so much. And so, again, there's no right or wrong. One has uh both have highs and lows, both have positive and negative. And so, my husband, for example, he's my favorite version of the relationship bucket because he does the things he feels he needs to do to be a good dad and to be a great husband and to keep up with someone like me, which I would never expect him to keep up in the ways that I like. I don't expect him to know the things that I know and do the things that I do, but I do, especially through building self-worth and building all of these things, I do expect a healthy level of communication. And I do expect us to have a great marriage. If he doesn't want to grow anything outside of that, that's totally fine. But our marriage needs to be a uh centered around growth and becoming healthier together and and wealthier together and things. And so he does the things that he does for the sake of the marriage because he loves me. And so he's motivated by that. Whereas if I was out of this marriage all of a sudden, I would still do all of those things. Whereas he, as a relationship person, wouldn't be as motivated to do them. So again, which bucket do you fall in? I think again, no right or wrong, just knowing it, knowing what motivates you is a superpower. Yeah.

DanielaSm: 44:23

Oh, I I didn't know about these two differences, but it makes sense. I'm definitely like you, I am motivated all the time by learning constantly, and I drive my husband crazy for sure, because I uh he's like, I can't anymore. I can't you stop because I tend to share it, and you know, now I don't share as much. I think that you have giving a lot of information that I knew, but I didn't put words on it. So I uh, you know, you put things in buckets, which is great. So I appreciate that. Is there anything else that could help you?

Amy Lenius: 44:54

No, I mean this was a beautiful conversation. I think just to wrap it in a bow, the through line here is how can you become more empowered as an individual for whatever journey you are on health, wealth, success, life, relationships, how can you become more empowered by becoming more self-aware? Understanding yourself at a deeper level and how you show up and all of those things makes that journey easier. It makes that journey more intentional, it makes it so you are actually more geared for success than if you didn't. The more you know about yourself in the scenario that you are trying to grow towards, the better you're gonna get. And in a marriage, even let's use a relationship. We were just talking about that as an example. If you know how you show up when you're triggered, if you know how you feel loved and how you give love, if you know the things about yourself, that relationship is going to become more successful just as a byproduct. Same with health. We talked about that in the beginning. Me learning about myself, me learning about the things that mattered in this journey made it so that I became successful. It was an easier road for me to stay intentional with the things that mattered. And so self-awareness really is a superpower. Learning about you, how you think, behave, do, how what your beliefs are. Your beliefs, values, and aspirations are a great place to start. And again, there's so many people who are willing to help you in this. There's so much knowledge out there. There's books, there's coaches, there's whatever form feels good to you. Go find people to connect with who are on a similar journey, pick their brains, do what you have to do to become more self-aware because it will make life feel more abundant.

DanielaSm: 46:38

Yes. And and I always said that we are here to learn about ourselves. And I wish I would have heard that when I was younger, because um, you know, you people tell you, oh, you have to, what are you gonna be when you grow up? And are you gonna be successful and you're gonna have titles and you're gonna have things, you know. And and the truth is that we are here to spend all these whatever years we have to figure out who we are. And of course, I will be like, okay, can I know that yesterday? And so I can continue with something else, but it is a long process after you have done a lot of things. You're like, I'm sure there's something else, but I don't know what there is, just knowing that it's just swimming and learning and there's no ending. Keep striving.

Amy Lenius: 47:20

There actually is no level of like perfect humanness that you can achieve. And I actually, that's a huge red flag. If someone says, Oh, yeah, I have arrived.

DanielaSm: 47:31

Yeah. So, Amy, wonderful. You know, we started with health, we talk about leadership, we talk about relationships, so many things. You're an amazing woman, and I appreciate that you were here. Thank you so much for your story. Thank you so much for facilitating this great conversation. I appreciate it so much. Yes, it's a great inspiration for the day. I just feel amazing, so thank you. Amy's story reminds us that the healing isn't about fixing yourself, but about learning to lead your own care, listening to your body, your intuition, and the deeper layers of who you are. It is about choosing the habits, boundaries, and support that protects your energy and helps you grow. If something from this conversation stays with you, share it with someone who might need that reminder and leave us a comment to let us know. Self-advocacy can be learned and small honest wins can change everything. Join me next time for another story conversation. Thank you for listening. Hasta pronto,